Updated: Nov 17
Last night as I waited for my lil mama to fall asleep I thought of forgiveness. Then I saw me looking into the Bible, I ended up going into my safe space and searched my Bible for anything pertaining forgiveness. there's Isaiah 1:18, Ezekiel 36:25, Acts 13: 38-39, Hebrews 9:22 & 1 John 1: 8-9. Each one resonated with my way of forgiveness. I used to read the Bible in Spanish when I was a small child, I attended church till age 11 when I came to NY. I confessed every week my sins to the priest. I am baptized but when I came to NY my whole life changed and I disconnected from all I was in DR.
Reading these Verses last night brought me to tears.
I said: God I love you, you know I do, I have always been here with you even on my wildest days. Then I got the vision of being a modern believer, as if God keeps reminding me these are other times not the Bible times yet my love and loyalty to him his son my Father Jesus Christ and all the Divine guides I came to meet and still am learning about since 2020 is the same Love, respect and loyalty God seeks from his children.
God has guided me to understand last night that he needed me to love myself again like I did when I was a small child, therefore I can understand my life and purpose here much better. I kept getting downloads about me and those in my path since 2020.
My mind is so much more clear, I have always lived and loved Gods way. With no harm to others, I have always lived in honesty and with respect to those around me no matter their age. Yes I have made many mistakes, yet I have learned from them all and rarely made the same mistake twice. I lived for others my whole life till 2020, I focused on pleasing and making others happy above myself. Yet today's day I will still do the same for those I love just without the toxicity nor the disrespect I allowed before 2020. Tbh I believed I had to just to make sure these people were happy and always around me. Although I was always honest to them about how I felt I was always very forgiving to their mistreatments and disloyalty towards me.
Today I understand all I need is the RIGHT people by my side most importantly myself, therefore I can continue to live the path God has created for me.
I know some people don't believe or just run from God because men have created many fears, which makes us question "why would God hurt me like this?". But is it truly God hurting you?. God is loving and unless you are doing evil intentions, harming others, killing, or just living in pure darkness God will never hurt you!. I myself did so much self sabotaging and yet have never blamed God or anyone else for placing myself in situations I kept being told to walk away from Just because is not what I wanted?!. Sometimes what we want is not good for us therefore God and your guides will lead you away from it. Is like that quote "Rejection is God's Protection".
The more you love and respect yourself and others the easier it is to accept ones mistakes and expectations of "I deserve this". Yes we all are worthy of a great life and great outcomes, but what are you doing for YOURSELF to bring yourself these outcomes?. Are you truly living authentically? or are you still living for others. Impressing others?. Vanity can only get you so far. Yet if it makes you happy go for it just don't do it to brag or to make anyone else feel less than you. See where I am going with it? as long as is for you and your happiness is ok, it goes left and into darkness once you involve others to suffer.
Today I understand is ok to love myself just as much as I love others or even more, to choose yourself is not selfishness is self love, lets not let anyone make you feel guilty for loving or protecting yourself!. Live life in the present not in the past and not so much in the future. Forgive others and mainly yourself, let go of things no longer serving you as often as you realize you should.
There's so much more to life than hate and misery!.
Love & Healing to you