Updated: Jan 24, 2022
When your heart and mind are detached there's not much you can do other than try to refocus and work on aligning them together.
Since a child I have never been the type to plot or harm anyone on purpose, my conscious is too active to allow me to do such things, I am too much of a thinker.
But, being a dreamer, in-love with LOVE has brought me many ups and downs to make any one normal lose it. Some people hate easily, others like myself, we LOVE easily. But we all know society has made this GIFT to be considered NAIVE, dumb, weak but we also know this is mainly done by toxic people.
Growing up I always felt embarrassed to be myself. I was put down by others most of the time so I felt the need to DIM my light, It had always been so easy for me to fall for people, a friend as a friend a cousin as a cousin, a bf/gf as a bf/gf. I have always been able to give honest love.
As I grew I knew there was no point in hiding who I was, since my feelings and way of being only got stronger, and showed more as I grown up. Throughout the years I happened to make friends, date ppl and attach myself the to toxic people who showed me how I was NOT loving MYSELF the way I should have by treating me poorly.
These type of treatments brought insecurities my way, I allowed myself to believe I wasn't enough, growing up my mother always made me feel not good enough. Fighting to be what others wanted me to be was very challenging. I was gaslighted most of the time and got my good intentions and love used against me, I was blamed for everything because I was "impatient" and being my way allowed them to used what they did to me as a weapon "it was my fault" they were shitty.
As a young adult the experiences I had gained allowed me to grow being short tempered, toxic people activate my dark side. I found it more and more difficult to let others live my life for me, my defense mechanism was not allowing the bullshit anymore it was not letting me down, now I tend to defend myself very much due to all the bullying that was done to me through the years.
I am grateful God created me a strong being, who learns and loves to grow. To have the ability and strength to defend myself is something I will never be taken away from. Today's date, I understand that my way of being makes others question, hate or understand themselves and their surroundings which leads people who run away from their truths and problems to not like me. It's like my nature brings out the good and worst in others to the light, I don't mean to do this on purpose it just the empath in me, is the light in me, which is why I came up with my name after my awakening in 2020. DahLight. Dah is the first initials of my first name and light y'all know what light means hahaha.
My empathy, understanding and ability to make anyone feel comfortable around me allows my light to shine. In 2020 I learned that the balance I have between my Light and dark side is pretty leveled. I have the ability to understand when my anger or defense mechanism activates. I am able to love and respect you or I can abandon you in a heart beat. It took me 35 years to finally do this and to accept myself, as I grew the experiences I encounter got tougher, when shit hit the fan I had no choice but to let my Dark side take over and protect me along with my Light I was not able to keep it tamed.
Since then my intuition has grown, my self respect has grown, my patience and attitude have also grown up. I had to allow my HEART and MIND to align in order to protect myself from all the evil that was being created to destroy me by the closest people to me!.
Be safe y'all, protect yourselves.
Love & Healing to you.